Dating a divorced man with grown children
They’d met young, in their early 20s, and had decided, two months before James and I met, to divorce. James had been the one to request the divorce; his wife had been devastated by his decision. There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think either A) I’m thrilled he’s got that experience under his belt, or B) Why god, did I have to fall in love with a guy with an ex-wife? But beyond that, it’s just a device with which to torture yourself. If he dumped her, you think, “What’s to stop him from dumping me? You’re destined to wonder – however briefly – how much of him is still in love with her. And if you’re the one who winds up with him, it will fall upon you to help him cope. A man with a now-defunct marriage under his belt has learned a few things about himself, about what he has to work on, about what he can and cannot handle.All this information came up over the course of our 10-hour date, and to some extent, the process of James discussing it was akin to someone waving a red flag in my face. The point of course is this: There are some serious pros to dating a divorced guy. The Cons: (I thought we’d get the negatives out of the way first. ” You’ll have to manage her continued pining, her continued pursuit. You will see him see old photos, you will see him cry or scream or fume or mourn. And – lest it bears mention – this is all as much fun as… A guy who’s lived with a woman for a significant period of time has a pretty good sense of what to say and when to say it. If you’re boyfriend’s divorced, you can be 99 percent sure he’s lived with someone else for a while and has a solid understanding of shared space as a result. A divorce is a horrible thing to be sure, but from what I’ve observed, it’s also pretty humbling.But if you’ve found yourself someone great, this really shouldn’t be so difficult.
I try to think that if these were my students, I would have established rules for when they are at in my "class". I am used to being in charge, but I do not feel comfortable sharing my opinions with him.
And most adults are out and dating again within a year after their divorce, sometimes dating several partners before remarriage.
While there have been several studies on divorce, remarriage and step-parenting, very few exist for the courtship period parents go through before remarriage.
Don’t assume that kids will understand the need for a “crazy phase” of dating.
They are dealing with their own issues of loss, betrayal, adjustment, trust- just to name a few.